I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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