Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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