hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
