oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We're too hungover to prance.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
