dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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