saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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