The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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