Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
