at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
