Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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