Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
