a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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