we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
