so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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