That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
