I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
