i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
