Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My ATM looks so different sober.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize