this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
