I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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