you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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