Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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