rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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