if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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