what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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