YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
