Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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