Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
