The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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