I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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