Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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