I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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