One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
