I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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