I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
