I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
