I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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