he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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