and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
