my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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