just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
