If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
