Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
