Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
