Kiss
Puke
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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