Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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