That's intense
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
