I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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