Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i drank out of a bidet.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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