So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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