last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize