ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
