So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
