i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she was so not down for the gang bang
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
