just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
