I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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