this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
