ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
