Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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