She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
