my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
