So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My dick has a subreddit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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