she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
