Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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