I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
